When “More” Starts to Feel Like Too Much: A Parent’s Perspective on Extra Murals

 I’ve had a few conversations recently with parents of younger kids that all sound very similar.

They’re well-intended.
They care deeply.
And they’re quietly overwhelmed.

The question usually starts like this:
“How do I make sure I’m giving my child enough opportunities… without completely overwhelming them?”

It’s a good question. A necessary one.

Because somewhere between wanting the best for our kids and trying not to “get it wrong,” many families find themselves feeling like they’re no longer in control of their schedules — or their energy.

Before even looking at what your child is doing, I often ask parents to pause and consider this:

“Do I feel like there is never enough time to fit everything in?”

If the answer is yes, that’s usually a signal.

Not that you’re failing as a parent.
Not that your child is doing the wrong things.

But it often means one of two things:

You’re trying to do too much

 Or you’re participating without enough intention

When life feels constantly rushed, decisions tend to become volume-focused rather than quality-focused.

More activities.
More commitments.
More transitions.

But not necessarily better experiences.

Quality takes space.
And when there’s no space, something usually needs to change.

Most parents I work with aren’t trying to push their kids too hard.

They’re trying to protect them.

Protect them from missing out.
From falling behind.
From being the only child who didn’t try the sport, the instrument, the activity.

But underneath that is something even more human:
our own insecurities as parents.

A quiet fear of not measuring up.
Of not doing enough.
Of later wondering, “What if I’d just given them one more opportunity?”

So we say yes.
And then we say yes again.

Before long, young kids are moving from one structured environment to the next — music lessons, sport, extra sport, tutoring, more sport — often across long days that require focus, discipline, emotional regulation, and effort far beyond what their nervous systems are designed for.

And what I often see is this:

Parents are tired and stretched.
Kids are tired and overstimulated.
And no one really feels like they’re choosing anymore.

Boundaries Are Not Limiting — They’re Protective

This is an important part of the conversation.

As parents, it is our responsibility to create the boundaries and the decision-making parameters.

When we fear our kids might be missing out, we often stop setting those boundaries. We keep options open, add more possibilities, and hope it will somehow work itself out.

But the absence of boundaries actually adds to the overwhelm.

Children aren’t meant to decide how much is too much.
They need us to guide that — especially when they’re young.

Boundaries aren’t about restriction.
They’re about protection, clarity, and sustainability.

Let’s Come Back to What We’re Actually Trying to Cover here.

One of the biggest shifts I encourage parents to make is moving away from the question:

“What activities should my child be doing?”

And instead asking:

“What do I want my child to learn from their experiences?”

For example:

• Do I want them to learn how to finish what they start?
  
  
• Do I want them to understand commitment — not perfection?
  
  
• Do I want them to experience both success and disappointment, and learn how to respond to both?
  
  
• Do I want them to build confidence, resilience, and self-awareness?
  
  

When those values are clear, the activity list usually becomes much simpler.

For me personally, I wanted my kids to learn how to do whatever they were doing to the best of their ability.

That clarity shaped everything.

They can’t do their best on an empty tank — emotionally or physically. I respectfully took a stand with coaches and schools, prioritizing my child's wellbeing, and guarded their perceived obligations. 
Whatever they committed to, I wanted them to enter it with enough energy and capacity to engage properly, because that’s how positive experiences outweigh negative ones.

A Better Way to Think About “Giving Them Everything”

Parents often say:
“I just want them to try a bit of everything.”

But imagine placing a child at a table filled with every possible food — sweet, savoury, healthy, indulgent — all at once. And then asking them to sample it all.

That’s not exploration.
That’s overload.

A better way to think about it is this:

We’re not trying to feed them everything at once — we’re teaching them how to eat well over time.

Depth matters.
Seasons matter.
And space to digest matters.

When kids move from one scheduled activity to the next, something important quietly disappears: unstructured time.

Time to be bored.
Time to play.
Time to create.
Time to listen to their own thoughts and impulses.

Boredom isn’t something to fix.
It’s often where creativity, independence, and emotional regulation begin.

And those skills matter just as much as any sport or lesson.

Critical Skills Matter More Than Constant Activity

This is where I think parents are often misinformed — or unnecessarily afraid.

Critical skills like:

• Coordination
  
  
• Balance
  
  
• Strength
  
  
• Discipline
  
  
• Communication
  
  
• Problem-solving
  
  
• Emotional regulation
  
  
• Confidence
  
  

These skills are transferable.

They don’t disappear because a child skips a year of one activity.
They layer, mature, and carry across experiences.

Missing a season of netball to try dance doesn’t mean a child has fallen behind.
It means they’ve gained different tools.

All skills are valuable — but no skill is worth a child having repeated negative emotional experiences just to keep up.

The “Too Late by 15” Myth

I don’t believe the narrative that says:
“If you’re not featuring by 15, you’re not going to make it.”

I’ve seen too much evidence to the contrary.

I’ve worked with athletes who started swimming at 15 and reached elite levels by 19.
I’ve worked with a gymnast who started at 19 and is qualifying for provincial championships at 23.

Long-term participation — well into our twenties — is a whole other conversation.

And it matters.

Because it’s often in our twenties that athletes reach their physical peak — when strength, maturity, emotional regulation, and purpose finally align.

That’s where everything they’ve learned can come together.

But many never get there.

What I See Later, Through Complete Athlete

Most of my work at Complete Athlete is with athletes aged 11–19.

And one of the biggest challenges I see isn’t lack of talent.

It’s emotional fatigue.

Years of pressure.
Years of rushing.
Years of overlapping commitments.
Years of never quite finishing one season before being pushed into the next.

This often leads to burnout and withdrawal between 16–18 — which is sadly very premature.

At Complete Athlete, we help athletes:

• Understand their patterns
  
  
• Clarify what matters to them
  
  
• Learn how to commit with intention
  
  
• Complete seasons and cycles fully
  
  
• Reflect, recover, and use feedback instead of fearing it
  
  

And so often, the groundwork for this could have been gently introduced much earlier — through clearer boundaries and more intentional choices at home.

This isn’t about early specialisation.
It’s not about doing less for the sake of it.
And it’s definitely not about lowering standards.

It’s about:

Choosing fewer things more intentionally

 Allowing seasons to be completed

 Creating space for rest and reflection

 Teaching kids how to listen to themselves

 Letting experiences shape them — not overwhelm them

That’s the foundation we aim to build through Complete Athlete — not just better performers, but more grounded, self-aware young people who know how to commit, reflect, and grow.

A Question to Sit With

Instead of asking:
“Am I giving my child enough?”

Try asking:
“Is the way we’re doing this helping my child thrive — and are we, as a family, happy and enjoying ourselves?”

You don’t need perfect answers.
Just conscious ones.